The Spring Buried Underneath The Snow
by diceWW
Summary: I should have noticed. I should have known. But I chose not to. I chose to run from it. And now, I am suffering the consequences brought about my action… or inaction perhaps? (An attempt on a Yukino-POV angst fic. Was supposed to be a one-shot. Decided to make it a two-chapter story instead. UPDATE:Added a sort of an Epilogue)
1. Chapter 1

_I_ _should have noticed. I should have known. Have I not really noticed? Was I always so dense?_

 _All the signs were there. Some were unreadable. But most were clear as day. I should have noticed. I should have arrived at a logical conclusion. I am a logical person afterall, albeit not at the level of a Monster of Logic. But still, I could have made a logical conclusion. But I didn't._

 _Or more likely, I didn't allow myself to._

 _I kept denying it. I tried not to mind it thinking that if I think that it is nothing, then it will eventually become nothing. I downplayed the seriousness of the situation. In a way, I was running away from the reality of the it._

 _I know. Pretty illogical of me don't you think? When have I really been logical though? Maybe me talking about how much of a logical person I am is a lie brought upon by my subconscious, making my conscious believe that it's the truth. So huh, even though I appear to be an honest person to anyone else, I was lying to myself all this time._

…

 _I should have noticed. I should have known. But I chose not to. I chose to run from it. And now, I am suffering the consequences brought about my action… or inaction perhaps?_

* * *

It is just another day at the service club. As usual, I am the first to arrive. I can't remember when that became the norm, but it's not like it's a troublesome thing. I guess that it's only appropriate too considering I am the club president. Well, not much I can do about it then.

I am now currently on my usual seat reading the book that I have decided to bring with me today. It's one of the many books from a mystery novel series centered on a reporter and his Siamese cats **[1]**. I have about ten more of the books from such series at home. I'd love to bring them all together with me but that would just be stupidly inefficient. Besides, it's not like I can read all of them in just one seating. Well I probably could, but where's the fun in that?

Unfortunately, the books were only published in English. Fortunately, my English is not too shabby. In fact, it's perfect. As to back that up, let me tell you that I am able to have a flowing conversation with an English-speaking person. Don't believe me? Well, I'll just have to prove it to you when the opportunity presents itself.

…

I wonder when I will able to have my own cat. It's not like I can't have one now. The apartment complex where I live at may be strict when it comes to pets, but one can always just pay a premium to be allowed to have pets in one's apartment. It's just that, I don't want to ask much more from my father. Giving me my apartment; allowing me to live independently… it'll be insensitive of me to ask more from him. And I can't possibly ask my mother for this. She didn't want me to live away from them afterall.

Besides, I don't know if I'm responsible enough to take care of the life of another living thing. Taking care of a cat may not be as heavy of a responsibility as of say, taking care of a dog, or another human being, but the fact still remains that you'll be responsible for another life. Am I capable enough for that? I think not. I couldn't even take full care of myself…

Well, I guess I have to settle with pet store cats and street cats for now. And also Kamakura-san. Which reminds me, I haven't seen him for a while now have I? I should pay him a visit. I bet he misses me. It's an unfortunate thing that he has Hikigaya-kun for a master. I bet that Hikigaya-kun does not take good care of him.

…

I'm kidding of course. Seeing how good his relationship is with Komachi-san, I have no doubt that he is very capable of taking care of Kamakura-san. And yeah, although I don't want to admit it, his dream of becoming a househusband may not really be a farfetched dream at all. He still has to get himself a wife though.

As I continue with my inner musings, thinking of just about anything really, the sound of the opening door can be heard. Ah, it seems that my clubmates have finally arrived.

"Yahallo!" greeted Yuigahama-san. I still don't know the real origin of the word. It cannot be found in any dictionaries nor encyclopedias. Maybe it is an amalgamation of two greetings, one being 'hello', and the other being 'ya'? In what language is 'ya' a greeting though?

"Yo." followed Hikigaya-kun with his usual unrefined greeting. And he did it with much less enthusiasm this time. Ara? Is his laziness reaching up to new heights? If so, I take back what I said about his dream of becoming a househusband. He really needs to work on that laziness of his if he wants to get himself a girlfriend even.

"Good afternoon Yuigahama-san, that thing over there." I greeted them back.

I've expected a comeback from Hikigaya-kun seeing that I have just playfully insulted him. But none came my way. I admit that that disappointed me a bit. One of the highlights of my daily life is when I spend time with these two wonderful people here in the club with me. That includes the times when I and Hikigaya-kun have our everday banter.

Maybe he didn't hear me? Or was there something off about him? Either way, I guess I'll just have to try again later. I have to take care of the tea first.

"I'll prepare the tea now then." I declared to the both of them.

"Oh, I'll prepare the cookies then." said Yuigahama-san as she went to her seat.

I went and grabbed the teapot and was about to go out the door so that I can fill it with water when something unusual greeted me. Hikigaya-kun is still standing there with a seemingly blank face. Something is definitely wrong with him.

"Hikigaya-kun, is something wrong?" I dared to ask him. I'm not sure if he'll answer me honestly though. That's just he always is. Always so guarded.

Even with all the time of being together, we only have been able to touch the very tip of our respective persons. None of us has really revealed much of our true selves to each other. And we have no one else to blame but ourselves. None of us had the initiative to open up more of oneself to another. Each one of us always waited for someone to pry the other for it. But none seem to have to the initiative to do that either.

In the end, even if we all agreed to search for the genuine thing, nothing much has changed between us. Our relationship with each other, though seemingly has improved, has remained stagnant ever since.

…

"Oh. Sorry about that. I was just about thinking about something yeah?" Finally responds Hikigaya-kun.

Hmm. Maybe this is the time for me to do something. I have long acknowledged that if I don't take action, nothing would happen. Our relationship with each other won't improve. And I don't want that. While I am relatively fine with how things are now, I cannot deny that having a much deeper relationship with these two people here with me is a better option.

"Is that so? Would you mind telling us about it?" and so I did it. The ball is in his hands now. Whether he feels the same way as me, I will finally know.

"…Well, I'll tell you someday. I don't really want to talk about it right now." _Oh. That's… disappointing. It seems like he does not see me the same way I see him huh. Well atleast I know now. I know now where to place myself._

The disappointment that I've been feeling must have shown on my face because Hikigaya-kun quickly followed-up with, "Oi Yukinoshita, don't think too much of it. It's not like I don't want to tell you. It's just that, now is not an appropriate time to talk about it."

…

Oh my. I guess I was wrong afterall. That's pretty embarrassing. And pessimistic of me. Has spending time with the dead-fish eyes boy made me more pessimistic? Has the Hikki-virus finally defeated my immune system? I shudder at the thought.

I must have been deep within thoughts because when I came to, Hikigaya-kun was already physically close to me.

"Let me help you with that." he said as he tried to reach for the teapot.

Instinctively, I move the teapot away from him. It's not like I did that on purpose. My body just reacted on its own. It must be because of the sudden proximity we had just now. It is not because of Hikigaya-kun himself.

…

Oh wait, maybe he is at fault. Afterall, according to Yukino101: Always blame everything on Hikigaya-kun.

"I-its fine Hikigaya-kun. I only have to fill it up with water." I replied.

I expected for him to back out at that. Afterall, he is someone who has the motto _**If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick**_ **[2]** … wait, why do I get the feeling that I'm talking about someone else?

"Then it shouldn't be too much of a problem if I do it right?" Hikigaya said, giving me a somewhat genuine smile. _Uhmm that makes me slightly uncomfortable you know?_

"…f-fine. Thank you." In the end, I caved in. There really is no point in arguing over this. It's just pouring water on a teapot for Christ's sake!

Besides, I cannot stand to be this to close to him any longer. For some reason, my heart is beating faster. I don't like the feeling of that. It's nauseating.

"Oh ho, is the great Yukinoshita Yukino really thanking me? The world must be ending soon!"

I growled at that. _Now you have the gull to play with me? That's unfair of you Hikigaya-kun. Too unfair._

"Just go and get it done already Hikkirude-kun." I replied with a fierce tone.

He smirked at that and the replied "Yes ma'aam."

He then went out of to the room so that he can finally do the job that he has taken. I feel much more comfortable now. Who knew that being so close to him could be actually physically draining? I'd have to note that one down before I forget. Oh, looks like I already did. I wonder why I forgot though.

Without much else to do, I returned to my seat and grabbed the book that I left on the table. I was about to start again on my reading when I noticed the stare Yuigahama-san was giving me.

"Is there something wrong Yuigahama-san? Something on my face?" I asked her.

"Ah, n-no, it's nothing Yukinon. Sorry for staring at you like that. Ehe." _Nothing? Let's take another page from Yukino101: when Yuigahama-san says 'it's nothing', it actually means 'there's something I want to tell you but I am not sure whether it is appropriate to tell you or not'._

"It's okay Yuigahama-san." I said to her.

She let out a sigh of relief at that. _Oh no young lady, you're not off the hook yet._

"Although, I have this gnawing feeling that you want to tell me something." I said as I finished with a smirk.

Yuighama-san slightly jumped on her seat, and then scratched her head. Pretty much how someone would react if they were caught in the act.

"Go on Yuigahama-san. It's okay. I will listen." I prodded her.

Yuigahama-san let out an awkward 'Ehe' at that. She then formed fists of her hands, and did something that some would call 'psyching oneself up'. She then faced me and said,

"Ah well… it's just… Yukinon, don't you think Hikki has changed a bit?"

…

Well, I cannot deny it. Although not much has changed with Hikigaya-kun, what with him still being the same cynical pessimistic loner that he is, some things about him have certainly changed. What changes those are, I'll keep them from you for now.

"Is that so? Well, he still has those rotten eyes of his." I quipped.

"Well yeah, there's that. But really, like, he's not as anti-social as before. Like, at class, whenever someone approaches him, he doesn't give this _'GoAwayIDon'tWantToTalkToYouIhateYou'_ kind of aura anymore. It's like he's actually okay around people now."

…

I see. I am not able to witness that directly since, well, we're not classmates. But I do not doubt Yuigahama-san's word. Not one bit. She has always been like that to me, open and honest. Atleast, that's what I think. And based on his interactions that I get to witness, he does indeed appear to be more accepting of other people now. And I'm not just talking about Isshiki-san and Totsuka-san. I'm talking about everyone else, like Tobe-kun, Miura-san… Hayama-kun.

"Well, I guess that he really has changed a bit. I'm happy that our efforts were not in vain."

I really am. And to think that he once said that he won't ever change for anyone, I guess no one really could hold on to that kind of ideal. No matter how we want it or not, we will have to undergo change. No one is exempted from that. Not even the once immovable object... err, person that is Hikigaya Hachiman.

"Yukinon has changed a bit too."

I was a bit surprised at that. I am aware that I have changed, but as far as I know, they are subtle changes. Now, I acknowledge that Yuigahama-san is good at reading the mood. I wasn't aware that it comes with the ability to read people. Is Yuigahama-san telling the truth? Or is she just bluffing?

"…what do you mean by that?" I am genuinely curious.

"Well, you've become a bit more open. Before, you see other people as either someone who has some business with the service club, or someone you couldn't give a care about."

…

That... irritated me a bit. I know that Yuigahama-san didn't mean to offend me, but still, it's pretty insulting you know? I guess the truth does really hurt.

But yes, I have once been like that. I won't deny it. I have been someone who has closed her doors to other people. If they don't have any business with me or the service club, I wouldn't even acknowledge them.

Huh, Hikigaya-kun was right. I really needed to get down on my high horse. I am glad that I've followed that 'advice' of his.

"...I suppose that's true." I shamefully admitted.

Yuigahama-san nodded in agreement. She then continued,

"But now, you don't actually reject the idea of hanging out with other people. And by other people, that does not only include me and Hikki. By other people, I mean other people. That's why I think that you've become more open."

...

I suppose that that's true too. I have been hanging out with a lot of other people these past few days. Like the one time I went with Yuigahama-san, Miura-san, and Ebina-san on one of their outings. We went to a clothes store and tried some, well, clothes. It was a clothes store afterall. I have learned a lot that day. One must not only look at the quality of the materials. One must also look at the design and price... wait, I think I'm getting off-topic here.

On the topic of opening up to people, I guess I could site one more example: my relationship with Hayama-kun. We no longer have this impossibly high wall between us. I no longer feel any hostility whenever I deal with him. We are actually on speaking terms now. We're still far from how we were before yes, but atleast our relationship is a lot better than say, at the start of high school.

But the ultimate example that I can give would be my relationship with my two service club companions: Yuigahama Yui & Hikigaya Hachiman. And I guess I could include Hiratsuka-sensei and Ishhika-san there too. I would have never thought of ever having this kind relationship with other people. I mean, my supposed closest relationship, which is family, now has questionable foundation. Specifically my mother. My relationship with nee-san is admittedly a bit better though. But of course, we aren't as close as we should be.

…

Yuigahama Yui. We are practically polar opposites. I am aloof, she is sociable. I don't speak when I don't have to, she speaks whenever she can. I am smart, she is… let's just say that she's not book smart. I think she had the most influence in my change. Afterall, the people I've been hanging out lately are her friends first. And while I was uncomfortable of her invasion of my personal space before, now, it is actually something that I look forward to everyday. Having her hug me gives me a sense of security. And it's warm too. Perfect for cold weather.

Hikigaya Hachiman. It's funny how much has changed between us. He is no longer the boy that I was repulsed at. And I don't mean just his eyes. I was repulsed by his whole person. To the point where I once thought " _Why would someone give birth to this person?"._ But now, I actually admire him. I admire him as a person. He always appears to be so strong; so trustworthy; so dependable. And my admiration for him only grew more when he bared to us his primal desire: his desire for the genuine.

I've never in a million years thought that I would be granted sight of the crying Hikigaya Hachiman. It broke my heart. I was so disillusioned and confused that I ran away from it. But I'm thankful that they went after me. It just goes to show that the bond that we have formed then isn't just superficial.

...

I guess I was wrong to think that my relationship with these two important people in my life hasn't improved since then. Fact is, we are closer than before. And although we have been tip-toeing around the edges for a while, I just know that with time, we'd be able to become genuine with each other. We will then finally be able to find that genuine thing that we three had agreed to go search for.

…

I smiled at Yuigahama-san and said "Well, you've changed a bit too Yuigahama-san."

Yuigahama-san returned me a smile and nodded once again.

I then followed up with "You do read more books nowadays. One is more than none right?"

"Oh. Thanks Yukinon… wait… Y-yukinon!"

* * *

The rest of our school year as second year high school students went like that: usual tea time at the club; Isshiki-san enters and causes some havoc; Isshiki-san drags Hikigaya-kun to do her bidding; Isshiki-san casually rejecting Hikigaya-kun's advances, even though it's fairly obvious that Hikigaya-kun does not see her that way; Ishhiki-san being the little brat she is, then I, along with Hikigaya-kun, will scold her; Isshiki-san trying to get Yuigahama-san on her side; Isshiki-san… I've been talking a lot about her now huh? At this rate, she should just make her membership of the club official. With all the time she's spending with us, she's practically a part of the club already. I wouldn't mind having her.

But as I've said, our school year as second year high school students has already ended. It is now the school break, and here I am at my apartment spending time with Yuigahama-san. We did this often too during the last days of the recent school year. And while I am no longer against the idea of hanging out with other people, I still prefer to do it with just Yuigahama-san alone. I'm more comfortable that way. Plus, I get to watch Pan-san at my apartment. And Yuigahama-san isn't against it, unlike a certain someone who is also a member of the service club.

"Ah Yukinon…"

"Yes Yuigahama-san?"

"Don't you think that Hikki has been spacing out a lot lately?"

Well yeah, I've noticed it too. But I think it's only a natural outcome. Afterall, he has been staying late at school, what with him joining in the student council meetings. Although we want to join together, we cannot abandon our clubroom just like that. What if a client comes in and there was no one in the room right? So in the end, it was only Hikigaya-kun who was able to join in. And I think that Isshiki-san prefers it that way too. For being so insistent on rejecting him, she sure is clingy with him. I've heard that she even forces Hikigaya-kun to walk, or rather, bike her home too whenever the student council meetings drag on late.

…

Well, I guess Hikagaya-kun being the _gentleman_ he is will do just that anyway. Bike Isshiki-san home that is. And if I was there, I would command to him do so too. Isshiki-san is a cute young lady afterall. While Chiba is a relatively peaceful city, one cannot get rid of the fact there are still some evil elements lurking about. I wouldn't want anything to happen to Isshiki-san… Hikigaya-kun though…

"I think it's only the result of him being up so late a lot." I declared to Yuigahama-san my logical conclusion.

"…yeah."

... Somehow, even though Yuigahama-san has expressed her _'agreement'_ , I can sense that she does not fully agree with my answer. What is making her doubt me?

"Is there something wrong Yuigahama-san? Is there something you know that I don't know about?"

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing Yukinon. It's just that, I feel that something is odd with Hikki. It's like he's sick or something."

Is that so? I already know that Yuigahama-san is better than me at reading people's moods. No, I've never really been that good at reading other people's moods, although I can read between the lines. But, even though I joke a lot about how I don't care about Hikigaya-kun, I really don't want anything bad to happen to him. I sincerely hope that Yuigahama-san is wrong this time.

"…let's just hope that what you're thinking isn't the truth."

"Yeah..."

* * *

We, Yuigahama and I, are in front of the door to the Hikigaya household. We both agreed to pay Hikigaya-kun a surprise visit. I was against it at first since it was a pretty rude thing to do. I mean, if I were in his place, I'd be irritated. But Yuigahama-san was so insistent. And we haven't seen Hikigaya-kun in a while, what with the school break and all. And he did not respond to any of our invites. Typical Hikigaya-kun.

And oh, it's about time to pay Kamakura-san a visit anyway. I've been postponing it for long, he might no longer welcome me. _Oh Kamakura-san, please forgive your Yukino-chan for taking so long to see you. It's just that, I can't seem to find an opportunity to come and visit you._

…

Ahem. Anyway, I think it's time to knock on the door.

As Yuigahama-san knocked on the door, a muffled "Coming!" can be heard. From how it sounded, it should be from Komachi-san. Huh, is Hikigaya-kun really that lazy that he wouldn't open the door for us himself?

…

Oh wait, he does not know that we're paying him a visit right?

A few seconds after Komachi-san shouted her _'coming'_ the door opened, and as expected, it was Komachi-san who has greeted us.

"Oh, Yui-san, Yukino-san. Good afternoon!"

"Good afternoon Komachi-san."

"Yahallo Komachi-chan!"

After giving our greetings, Komachi-san then caught sight of the things I and Yuighama-san brought with us.

"We brought snacks!"

"O-oh! Let's bring them inside then. Please come in!"

* * *

"So, I guess you're here to see my onii-chan."

We are now at the living room of the Hikigaya household. Yuighama-san and I are seated on their large sofa, while Komachi-san is seated on the one-man sofa, cradling Kamakura-san on her lap. _Oooh Kamakura-san, I want to do that too. Please forgive Yukino-chan already. Yukino-chan misses you._

"Y-yes."

"Yeah."

"Well, unfortunately, onii-chan is not around right now."

….

I see. That's disappointing.

Well, we did not tell him that we were planning to visit him so we shouldn't be mad at him for not being around. I guess our plan back-fired huh? But wait, Hikigaya-kun does not really go out does he? So why is he not around this time? I was about to ask Komachi-san that when Yuigahama-san beat me to it.

"Do you know when he'll be coming back?" _Well, it's a different question technically, but the message is there._

"…sorry but no. I could really never know what time he'd go home when he's with onee-san."

Onee-san? Komachi has an older sister?

"Onee-san?"

Komachi-san almost dropped Kamakura-san at that. Thankfully, she didn't. I don't want Kamakura-san to be hurt afterall.

I guess she didn't mean to say that. That must mean that the onee-san she's referring to isn't really her onee-san. Maybe a close acquaintance of Hikigaya-kun? But as far as I know, we are the closest to him, after his family of course. And I guess we have Isshiki-san too.

"O-oh! Oops. What I meant to say is Iroha-san."

"Iroha-chan?"

…okay? _Ah Komachi-san, that does not really clear our confusion. Why are you calling Isshiki-san 'onee-san'. Is it because you are actually blood related? She could be your cousin and still call her onee-san right?_

"Komachi-san, is it okay if we ask why you're calling Isshiki-san 'onee-san'?"

"Y-yeah, please tell us Komachi-chan."

…

"W-well, these past weeks, she has been spending a lot of time at our house during the weekends. I first tried calling her Iroha-neesan as a way of teasing her, but it backfired. She insisted me on calling her onee-san. And that's why I call her that."

…

Well, Isshiki-san can really get persistent. That's how Hikigaya-kun gets always dragged by her in the first place. I suppose that Komachi-san isn't even immune to Ishhiki-san's bratinness. Not even if Komachi (who can get really bratty) herself. Huh, I now realize how powerful Isshiki-san can be. I guess she's really fit for the Student Council President position. Maybe I could take some lessons from her one of these days?

But wait.

If Isshiki-san is spending a lot of time here at his home, that must mean that they're dating at least right? If so, why haven't they just told us? It's not like it's a thing that they should be keeping right?

…

I feel kind of betrayed. And I'm not sure if it's because of the fact they haven't told us.

"Oh, but don't get me wrong. They are not going out or something. Well, that's what onii-chan says. And I trust him."  
…

Oh.

I uh…

Well it was wrong of me to make such assumptions. Isn't bad to just jump to conclusions? You are such a bad girl Yukino-chan. That is why Kamakura-san does not want to be near you anymore.

…

Well, as with Komachi-san, I trust Hikigaya-kun too. I suppose that I'll just have to ask him the next time we meet.

The moment Komachi-chan cleared up our misunderstanding, Yuigahama-san let out a sigh of relief. And I felt the urge to do so too. But I suppressed it. That's because I really don't think it's appropriate to do so. I mean, I am not Hikigaya-kun's girlfriend. He is free to date any girl, or even boy (he is pining over Totsuka-san afterall, which I find disgusting; I am way cuter than him!) he wants. I couldn't care less. Hmpf!

…

Well, I really won't mind dating him though. I mean, we have such a good relationship now right? It wouldn't really be that troublesome if we decide to take if further.

"Actually there's something that I've been to tell you Yui-san, Yukino-san."

 _Oh, there's more? Is this about Hikigaya-kun still?_

"I'm all ears Komachi-san."

"I am too Komachi-chan."

At our agreement, Komachi-san made a face of determination and nodded. She then started,

"I won't be attending my high school in Sobu High."

Oh.

That's disappointing. I honestly wanted to spend more time with Komachi-san. And being in the same high school can grant me that. I planned on recruiting her to our service club. And Taishi-kun too. They could have succeeded us when we finally graduate.

Although, I've heard from Hikigaya-kun that Komachi has passed our admission test. And he announced it with much gusto. Seriously, him and his sister-complex. But yeah, if Komachi-san is actually eligible for enrolment, why didn't she push through with it? Sobu High is known for its quality education.

"Why Komachi-chan? We could have spent our lunches together." Yuigahama-san asked with a pleading voice.

…

"Well, Taishi-kun didn't make it. And we promised each other that we'd be studying in the same high school. And there's also the issue of our relationship."

Hmm? The issue of their relationship? Did something happen to them?

"What do you mean Komachi-san?"

"Uhmm… you could say that we're going out."

…

Oh.

Ohhhhh.

"Does Hikigaya-kun know?"

"Oh, onii-chan knows. Taishi-kun worked hard to get his approval afterall. And after seeing him going through such trial, I just couldn't say no to him right?

…

"Yeah, I could just imagine the kinds of horror Taishi-kun has to go through just to get you sis-con brother to accept him."

"Y-yeah. But anyways, congrats Komachi-chan!"

"Yeah. Thanks Yukino-san, Yui-san."

…

We were then enveloped in a comfortable silence after that. That is, until Komachi-san grinned widely and said,

"Although I still wonder, when will onii-chan ever get a girlfriend? It would be nice if it's the either of you two, but I wouldn't mind onee-san too."

I felt my cheeks warming up at that.

* * *

I am now at the mall about to do some grocery shopping. I need to stock up on my food supply after the repeated hanging out with Yuigahama-san. Who knew that with her figure, she could eat so much? Is that her secret to having such good assets?

…

Stop thinking about it Yukino. Your body is fine. Didn't you say that it's not always about sizes? One must also consider the symmetry. And I guess the face too?

Aaaannnyywwaaayy, let's do some grocery shopping shall we?

I was about to enter the grocery when something… or rather, someone has caught my attention.

"Hikigaya-kun?" I greeted him.

"Oh, Yukinoshita. Yo."

…

What's up with him? Why is wearing something that is so not him?

"Pfft… Haha." I've tried to contain my laughter. I don't want to be rude. "Hahahahaha!" But I couldn't. He just looks so funny! Who would've thought that he'd be able to pull that off?

"Oi Yukinoshita, are you getting crazy or something?"

"Hahaha… What? I should be the one asking you that. Why are you wearing something that looks so stupid on you?" _Oh my. I really have gone full rude-mode on._

"Oh. Right. This? I have brain cancer." _What? That shouldn't be a laughing matter at all! And why is he saying it so casually?_

"So the doctor cut it all off." He then 'lifted' the beanie he is wearing and was about to show what's underneath but he stopped halfway. He then closed his eyes and smirked.

"Gotcha."

…

…

…

What?! I was about to feel guilty because I made fun of him for it. But was he just lying about it? I couldn't confirm it because I was not able to see whether he still has his hair or not… well I could, but I don't want to. I don't want to touch him right now seeing how irritated I was at what he did. I don't think it was an appropriate joke you know?

…

Now I know how Hikigaya-kun feels whenever I jokingly insult him about his rotten eyes. I guess what goes around really does come around.

I'm still mad at him at though.

"What? Is the great Yukinoshita unable to recognize such a great joke?"

What great joke? It was awful! I was really worried just now you know?

"Hmpf. Hikkijerk-kun."

After expressing my distaste for his action, I hurriedly went inside the grocery store and grabbed a cart… well, I was supposed to when a hand grabbed one of my arms.

"W-wait Yukinoshita. I'm sorry. I was just joking. I still have my hair. I can show it to you."

…

"No, it's okay. You don't have to show it. Just continue looking stupid like that."

I then jerked my arm so that he'd let go. I then proceeded to do what I was previously supposed to do.

…

"Let me help you with that." _Why are you following me? Are you stalking me, Hikkistalker-kun?_

I did not respond to him. Did he think that I'll be able to forgive him just like that? And to think that we haven't seen each other for a while now. I actually missed him. But I regret that now.

…

"H-hey." I protested as he grabbed the cart that I was holding from me. _Rude. Just rude. Can't you see that I'm ignoring you?!_

…

 _Fine. Be like that. Act like my slave. It won't change the fact that you've made a horrible joke._

I just went and continue with my shopping, grabbing what items that I think I will need for the next days. But of course, I'm shopping with the thing now, but I could just ignore him. I didn't ask him for his help anyway.

…

"C'mon Yukinoshita. I'm really sorry."

…

"I'll treat you to tea or coffee?"

 _Ah. And you think bribing me would be a good idea?_

…

"Please forgive me already. We haven't seen each other in a while now have we?"

…well yeah. We really haven't.

"I'd feel bad if we **leave** at bad terms."

…i-is that so? I guess that he really cared for me? Maybe he was just testing how deep he can go with his crude jokes with me? Maybe I am just over-reacting ne? Maybe it's okay if I forgive him now?

"Do I have to lick your feet just so you'd forgive me already?"

…

 _Gross. I don't want you licking my feet or any part of my body on that matter. Only Kamakura-san is allowed to do that._

"Fine. I'll take you on your offer of free tea."

* * *

"So, I've heard that you've been hanging out with Isshiki-san lately." I dared ask him. I've just remembered that I intended to confront him about it.

"Well yeah. What about it? You jealous?" _What?! Why would I be je- preposterous! You can go date Isshiki-san all you want! I don't care! Idiot! Nicoompop! Hachiman!_

"N-no you delusional creep! I just fear for Isshiki-san's chastity." I lied. I really was jealous. He has not spent much time with us afterall. And to think that he was with her all this time.

"R-right. That's the Yukinoshita Yukino I know." He said as he sipped from his cup of coffee, which has cream and lots of sugar in it. I still wonder how he could stomach such sweetness. I can't even imagine just how it would taste.

…

"Well, are you two going out or not?" I finally asked him.

He frowned at that.

"W-what? It's a serious question." I am genuinely curious. And Yuigahama-san is too.

"Why are you so interested in my love life all of sudden?" He asked.

…that made me wonder. Why am I suddenly interested in his romantic relationship? Is it because I've realized that I have feelings for him?

"But anyway, to answer your question: no, we're not dating. It's just her usual clinginess and persistence."

Oh. So Komachi-san really was telling the truth. Not that I didn't believe her though.

"Oh. I guess that Isshiki-san can really be like that huh?"

And with that, we minded our respective business, him reading a book… an English book mind you, which is pretty strange of him. But I do know that his English is not bad. If he tries to, he can even speak perfect English… well, as far as Japanese men go. It's a book with the title 'Tuesdays with Morrie' **[3]**. I still haven't read it but I've heard that it had good reviews. Maybe I could borrow it from him if he's done with it?

Well, I should concentrate on what I'm doing now. What am I doing you ask? Well, I'm looking at a picture book of cats. They just look so adorable, I just had to buy the book!

"So, how about you? You finally realize your great love for Yuigahama?" suddenly asked Hikigaya-kun.

What was that? Is he implying that I am gay? Preposterous! I am a perfectly beautiful straight woman! If I will it so, I can sway all types of men with just my charms!

"WHAT?! I don't have romantic feelings for her! I'll tell it right here, right now. I am straight."

"Ohoho, I'm straight too. Does that mean that I have chance with you?" He jokingly asks.

"W-well. Uhm…" _Well yeah. A pretty big chance even. But I won't tell you that!_

* * *

The school break has come to an end as today is the beginning of our last year in high school. As expected, I was not in the same class as my service club companions, but that's okay. We can always spend time together during club hours.

I proceeded to the room where my class was assigned to. I see a lot of familiar faces. It shouldn't be a surprise. We are a 'special' class afterall. Not much we can do with that.

The first half of the first day of school just went like usual. In between listening and jotting down notes, I thought of how this school year of us will turn out to be. Will my relationship with Yuighama-san and Hikigaya-kun deepen to the point that we'll be able to bare anything with each other? Will I be able to have a deeper understanding of the person called Hikigaya Hachiman? Will we able to finally grasp the genuine?

…

Those kept on repeating inside my head that I didn't notice that it was already lunchtime. I've only noticed it because of the sudden appearance of a peach-haired girl.

"Y-yukinon!" cries Yuigahama-san. It is like she is in a state of panic. Why would she be though?

"Yuigahama-san? What is it?" It is then that I have noticed that she is in tears. Why is she crying? Did something happen to her?

"It's… It's about Hikki. I can't find him anywhere! I noticed it this morning since I didn't see his name in any of the class listings. But I wasn't able to confirm it because classes were about to start. Then when lunch finally came, I've checked all the rooms, and then his usual lunch spot, and then our clubroom, but he wasn't anywhere! Yukinon, Hikki isn't anywhere!"

Yuigahama-san's outcry has managed to cause a commotion as those who chose to spend their lunches in the classroom have their attention at her, whispering about her. I know that Yuigahama-san doesn't mind, and I understand the cause of her frustration. We're talking about Hikigaya-kun possibly being unenrolled this school year afterall. But I really need to calm her down. We wouldn't be able to solve this predicament with a panicked mind.

"Yui-yuigahama-san, please calm down. We can still confirm this. We can ask Hiratsuka-sensei. I know that she knows something."

…

Yuigahama-san finally calmed at that.

"…A-alrgiht. L-let's go Yukinon. I'm really worried about Hikki."

* * *

"Well it's true. He's no longer enrolled here at Sobu High. Kid just went and transferred at the last minute. Didn't even talk to me about it."

And the thing that we feared to be true was confirmed. Hikigaya-kun has really not enrolled himself in Sobu High this school year.

"N-no sensei. There must be some kind of mistake. He can't transfer. No other school could stomach his rottenness. Maybe we-"

I've tried pleading. I've tried denying it. I know that it's pointless. I know that it won't do any good. But I just had to. I can't accept this! I just can't accept this! We had so much to do! We still have found the genuine thing that he asked to search for with him! I still haven't told him how grateful I was for him being always there for me! I still haven't told him my desire! I still… I still…

"Yukinoshita, please. Stop it. I've already checked it with the administration and it's true. _He is no longer here_."

No! I can't accept it! How could you Hikigaya-kun?! Why would you leave without telling us?

"Why sensei? Why didn't he tell us about it?"

Is it because he doesn't really care about us? Is it because I've been too harsh at him? Is it because the Hikigaya Hachiman he has been showing us isn't really him? Not the genuine Hikigaya Hachiman?

…

Why?

"I don't know. I really don't know. I've tried to contact him, but no dice. I mulled over the idea of going to his house, but I realized that I won't be able to get anything from that knowing that he should be attending school today too. Really, I'm sorry that I can't be of much help." Sensei had a look of guilt on her face when she was saying that. And I can also sense that she was trying her best to stay composed. I know that Hikigaya-kun has become someone special to her too. I know that she's hurt right now, same as I and Yuighama-san.

" _H-hikki… why would you do this to us?"_

Why indeed. And to think that we've been able to open up with each other.

…

"W-wait, Yuigahama-san, there is still one person we could ask!"

Someone who he was spending most of his school break with. Someone who he was mostly with during the last days of our previous school year. Someone persistent and clingy.

"Iroha-chan!" _Yes Yuighama-san. We can still ask her! I can just tell that we'll be able to get our answers from her._

We, Yuigahama-san and I, nodded at each other. It seems that we are at the same page here. Good. We have to hurry up. Lunch time isn't an infinite resource.

I bowed at sensei and said, "Thank you sensei for atleast confirming it with us."

I then once look again at Yuigahama-san, and then at the exit. We then started our trek to our destination: Isshkiki Iroha's classroom.

"Hey Yukinoshita, Yuigahama. Tell me if you find out anything ok?"

I will sensei. And I assure that we'll find something out.

* * *

"Oh, Yukino-senpai, Yui-senpai; Yahallo!"

…

"Isshiki-san."

"Y-yes?"

I was about to ask her if we can borrow some of her time, but for some reason I am unable to. It is like the words are stuck at my throat, with no way of how to let them free. Why is this happening now? Now when I was just about to know the whole truth? Why? Yukino, please get ahold of yourself. You're stronger than this right? So please, please please please hang in there.

"Uh hey Iroha-chan, is it okay if we can borrow some of your time? We really need to talk to you about-"

"This is about senpai huh?"

…

So she really does know something. Thank god that I was able to think of her. Who knows what could have happened if I haven't?

"It's okay. I don't want to keep it from you anymore." Isshiki-san had a sad smile on her when she was saying that.

…

"But is it okay if we talk about it somewhere else? Somewhere more private? The clubroom perhaps?"

* * *

Isshiki-san narrated to us the whole truth. About the condition of Hikigaya-kun. About all the times that she spent with him. About how he really has some sort of an incurable disease. Its symptoms were first exposed to Isshiki-san when they were on their way to her home. And the times that they've spent together during school break, they spent most of those at the hospital, checking up on his condition.

…

And now, the real reason why he isn't enrolled here at Sobu High, and apparently any other school for that matter, is because he has decided to go to a faraway place. Away from it all. Away from us. If you'd ask me, it's like he ran away from us.

"I'm really sorry Yukino-senpai, Yui-senpai. I didn't mean to hide it from you." says Isshiki-san while in tears.

 _It's okay Isshiki-san. It's not your fault. You just happened to be there when he had one of his attacks._

"I don't even think that he intended to let me know! It just so happened that I was there when it happened to him!"

 _I just wish that it was me in your place. I could have been there with him. I could have taken care of him. I know that it is selfish and insensitive for me to think of this, but it's just how I feel._

"I've been really meaning to tell at least you two. You are the closest to him afterall. I admit that I sometimes get jealous of how much you two have already known him."

 _But still, you were the one who was there for him. No one can take that away from you. We were kept in the dark. He didn't tell us._

"It's just that, he asked me not to tell anybody. The way he did it, I just couldn't say no to him you know?"

… _I know Isshiki-san. I know. I've already said that you are not the one at fault._

"So I agreed to him on the condition that I'll be the one who has to go with him whenever he needs to be checked up."

 _And I'm glad that you atleast were there for him. Who knows what could have happened if he was alone when he had one of his attacks?_

"I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I just couldn't do it anymore. The burden is just too much!"

…

I should have noticed. I should have known. All the signs were there. Some were unreadable. But most were clear as day. I should have noticed. I should have arrived at a logical conclusion. I could have just asked him. I could have gotten it from him. I could have pried him on it. I should have been the one who was there for him. I should have been the one who was with him whenever he goes out for a check-up. I should have been the one he confided his secret to. I should have been the one to witness how he ran away. I would have followed him. I would have gone with him. I should have been with him until now.

But it is too late. My realization is too late. We can no longer bring back the time. We can no longer bring him back.

We have already lost him.

* * *

" _Hey Yukinoshita."_

"… _yes, Hikigaya-kun?"_

" _If I just suddenly disappeared, do you think_ _ **everyone**_ _would notice?"_

"… _why are you suddenly asking me that?"_

" _Well, no reason really."_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

" _I don't think anyone_ _ **else**_ _would notice."_

" _Is that so?"_

"…"

"…"

"…"

" _I guess that's that then."_

" _Y-yeah."_

 **Chapter 1 - End**

 **[1] Reference to the 'The Cat Who' novel series by Lilian Jackson Braun.**

 **[2] Reference to Hyouka's Houtarou Oreki. This is actually his motto.**

 **[3] Reference to the book by Mitch Albom. It is a non-fiction book. I won't say anything more about it since it has a pretty significant influence with the theme of this story.**

 **A/N: Hello there! I know I know. I am a Yukinofag. Deal with it. No really, deal with it. Anyway, I have wanted to write this story idea for a long time now. Actually, I planned to write this one even before my first Oregairu Fic. It's just that, I didn't have enough content to able to consider it upload worthy so I didn't through with it. But now, some time has passed and I was able to come up with enough content for it. So yeah, here, a Yukino angst (?) fic? This will be a two-chapter fanfic. (It was supposed to be a one-shot, but it got longer than I've expected.)**

 **After this, I promise to return on working on "Of Yellow Ribbons and Brown Eyes". I think it has received enough response so it should be safe to push through with it.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Yukinoshita Yukino,_

 _The fact that you're reading this letter means that you've already heard from Isshiki. Let me first tell you that I'm sorry. For being unable to tell you directly. For having to break it to you this way. Please don't be mad at Isshiki. She was just doing as she was told. And please tell her that I'm sorry. For leaving to her such a heavy burden. I know that she didn't ask for it. Nobody did. That's why I've expected for her to let it all out sooner or later. That's why I've left her this letter._

 _I've been really meaning to tell you. I really do. It's just that, I couldn't find an ample opportunity to tell you, both you and Yuigahama… Hiratsuka-sensei perhaps? I don't really know how to break the news to you without having to break your hearts (I'm not sure if me letting you guys know would really though; but based on Isshiki's reaction when she found out, I am inclined to believe that that is the case). Days went by, and then it got dragged on, to the point where I was no longer able to do so. I guess I was really a coward huh. I apologize for having to appear so strong. I know that you rely to me on that. And don't you try to deny it now. I just know you do._

 _If you're thinking of searching for me (which, I'm pretty sure that you don't; you wouldn't go to such lengths just for me right? You're Yukinoshita Yukino afterall; why am I writing this letter to you again?), please forget about it. I went faraway for a reason. With my condition, I can't really afford to spend more time with you. But don't get me wrong. It's not because I don't want to be with you. It's just that, the possibility of you being so near to me with me being unable to even recognize you, I just can't stomach that. You don't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. And you're not a nobody. Not to anyone. Not to me. Because to me, you have become someone precious and dear. Even more than Yuighama and Isshiki. Maybe even more than Komachi when I think about it (gosh, that sounded like a confession there; given the context, I think that it's inappropriate and you'd probably spite me for it; but hey, I won't be anywhere near you anyway so I'm free to say anything I want without having to mind the consequences! Forgive me for that)._

 _I'd like to say that I made things easier for you. That with me exiting your life a bit earlier than when it should be, you'd be able to move on earlier (as if there is anything for you to move on from really; seriously, can you please tell me now why I'm writing this letter?). That you'd no longer have to deal with me and my condition. That you no longer have to suffer with me. But really, this is just me being selfish. I'm just really not that strong enough. I just can't stomach the possibility of seeing you in tears with me unable to do anything about it. I can just imagine the horror of it if itwere to happen to me. Even though I always proclaim that I don't care about other people's opinions, you are not 'other people'. You are Yukinoshita Yukino, not a stranger, yet not a friend to Hikigaya Hachiman._

 _Thank you for the opportunity of letting me know you. I'm sure that if it weren't for you and for the service club, I would still have lived the same the life that I have been living all these years: alone and spiteful. It is because of you that I was able to see my own worth. It is because of you that I was able to love myself. It is because of that I was able to know my purpose in life. It's unfortunate though that this had to happen. I really would like to personally see you fully bloom. But hey, that's life right? We can't always get what we wish for. You know that right?_

 _Please live on for me. I want you to continue living your life. Live without me. It shouldn't be that hard to do right? Yeah. I know I'm wrong on that one, but please, live on without me. Continue to nurture the relationships that you have now. I have seen how you've grown. From the once closed bud hidden beneath a thick pile of snow, afraid of showing the world its beauty, you are now a beautiful rose. A rose that will only continue to bloom and bask the world with its wonder (I know it's cheesy, but as I've said, I don't care about the consequence right now). Please continue to grow. I know that you are a wonderful person even with your faults and all. Afterall, nobody is perfect right? But that must not be a reason to stop trying to become one. So please, please, please, Yukinoshita, do not stop improving yourself._

 _Please do not abandon Yuigahama just like I did with you two. Or three. Or four. I know that she is as devastated as you are right now. You two will need each other's support. Please help each other in trying to improve yourselves. Please do not close your doors again. Please welcome the people who are worthy of your person. Please do not shun her. Please be there for her. Please ask for her help when you need to. Please do not abandon her._

 _Please take care of Isshiki for me. She must be the one who was devastated the most. She was the one who saw it all afterall. When I declared my plan of… hmmm, let's just say running away. That's how you see it right? She tried to go with me. I couldn't accept her though, not because I don't want her to be with me, but because I don't want to be the one to deny her of her beautiful future. Her being the student council president right now is just the beginning for her. I know of her greatness, and I am sure that you do to. She has a bright future ahead of her. So please, will you be her 'pseudo-guardian' from now on? We already acted like we were her parents anyway. It shouldn't be that hard now should it?_

 _Please take care of Komachi. I know she may appear like this does not affect her at all. I know that she feels just same way as you. If you don't mind, I'd like you to let her call you onee-san. She has been pestering to me about that ever since you were introduced to her. I know that she has been shipping us the whole time, but I know that she did it with good intentions. Isn't ironic that the very people who have chemistry cannot recognize that they have it themselves? But yeah, please be an onee-san to her. You want to know how it feels like having a younger sibling right? A younger sibling that loves you and shows it in the most adorable ways possible? Well, I hope that Komachi can give you that._

 _I know that I am asking you for too much. Afterall, you've just heard the news. I wouldn't mind if you don't follow-up with my requests so far. But please, if there is just one request that I want you to grant me, it is this: please don't forget to take care of yourself. I know how selfless you can be in the name of service. I still remember the time when you've overworked yourself. If you can no longer handle it by yourself, ask for help. So please, always take care of yourself._

 _Well I suppose that's it. This letter was supposed to be me apologizing to you, but I ended up asking you for a lot of things. I hope you don't mind that._

 _Yours,_

 _Hikigaya Hachiman_

 _P.S. This letter should come with a book; Did Isshiki give it to you like I asked her to? I'm not sure if you'd like the book but I remember the one time I've read it with you around. You seemed interested in it. I wasn't able to finish it, so if I could ask one more thing, please finish it for me? And oh, I included a bookmark there. A bookmark that you'd really really like._

 **The Spring Buried Underneath the Snow – End…?**

 **A/N: I'm sorry!**


	3. Epilogue

March 3, 2013

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman-kun,

It is almost a year since your disappearance. Today is the day of our high school graduation. Fortunately, no one that I know of from our batch had to stay longer in high school. What I mean to say is, we are all graduating together. That includes Tobe-kun, whom you always proclaim to be an idiot who will never ever graduate in high school. And yes, you don't have to worry about Yuigahama-san. She did great actually. She's actually third in rank in all humanities subjects. As I have always thought, she only needed a little push. Well, a lot rather than a little.

As expected, I am this graduating class' valedictorian. I've prepared a valedictory speech that is fitting for my experience here at Sobu High. And it included a lot of subtle expressions of my gratitude… to you. It is unfortunate though that you won't be able to hear it personally. But that's okay. I've made sure to keep a written copy hidden in a place where it can be preserved. If ever you decide to pay us a visit, tell me so I can read to you my valedictory speech. I'm sure that you'd find it enjoyable.

Graduation day is supposed to be a day for us to move forward. A day, an hour, a minute, or even a second after it will make us full-fledged members of society. That's what they say anyway. If you were still here, I just know that you'd disagree with them. You would say " _Why do I have to follow society? Society can go fuck itself! I am my own man!"._ And then I will refute and reprimand you for your disgusting behavior. And then Yuigahama-san, and maybe along with Isshiki-san, will laugh at us. Then we'd both join them afterwards.

Graduation day is supposed to be day of moving on. But… But I still haven't moved on from you. Why did you do it Hikigaya-kun? How could you?! We could have worked it out together! And to think that we were just beginning to open up to each other. I was raring to show you my true self. I was raring for you to unlock the door to my most inner person: the Yukinoshita Yukino who is full of insecurities but has found solace in the people she has managed to become close to. I was raring to have a deeper meaningful relationship with you. I was raring to spend more time with you, both with the presence of others, and with just you alone. I was raring to confess my admiration of you, both as a person and as a man.

So how could you?!

* * *

August 8, 2014

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman-kun,

It is now more than two years since your disappearance. Firstly, I would like to apologize for my previous letter. I forgot to put my name and signature. That was pretty careless of me.

As you may have noticed the date, yes, I wrote this on your birthday. So here: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN… come to think of it, we haven't been able to celebrate your birthday even once huh? Well it's not like you mind it though right? You've always said that birthdays are nothing special and shouldn't really be celebrated; that it is only a superficial way of making someone feel special; that being able to be born into this world is not really an achievement to be celebrated about.

I would have also agreed with you on that one too…. until you've decided to give both me and Yuigahama-san gifts on our birthday. And oh, I remember that you gave one to Ishhiki-san too. I know I know. You only bought them for us because, well, you accompanied each of us on our birthday gift shopping and found it appropriate that you should do so too. But that is only true for my birthday and Yuigahama-san's. For Isshiki-san, you did it on your own. For someone that says that he doesn't value birthdays, that was pretty hypocritical of you don't you think? Or maybe it's not really that you don't celebrate your birthday because you don't see it worth celebrating. Maybe it's because you just don't want anyone to be bothered by it. That seems to be the more plausible conclusion. You were stupidly selfless afterall.

Well enough about your birthday. I am sure that you want to hear some updates from me right? First, let's talk about Isshiki-san. You were right about her greatness. Ever since your disappearance, I have seen nothing but growth from her. She did her stint as student council president pretty well. In fact, the student body liked her so much, they requested for her to extend her term for another year. She respectfully declined though saying that she wants to concentrate on her studies. And concentrate on her studies she did. Get this, would you believe me if I say to you that she graduated as the Valedictorian of her batch? I know you would. You were the one who said that she had a beautiful future ahead of her. It's a good thing that even with those rotten eyes of yours, you are able to see the things that can truly shine.

She is currently studying at a university in Tokyo, which resulted to me being unable to tend to my duties as her 'pseudo-guardian' (I'm sorry for that). But we still communicate with each other. In fact, once every two months, we, along with Yuigahama-san (and sometimes Hayama-kun and his clique) meet up. Sometimes it's in Tokyo. Sometimes it's here in Chiba. Sometimes it's somewhere else. We used to do it more often, but since I have started my second year in Chiba University, I've become fairly busy, partly to my fault. See, I've decided that I would like to able to obtain my degree a year earlier. I'd tell you the reasons later.

And oh, since I've already mentioned Yuigahama-san, I'm proud to report to you that she has managed to become a dean's lister… for one semester that is. But hey, isn't that great? I've already told you that all she needed is a little push right? Maybe if you were still here, you would have managed to push her more, to the point that her becoming a dean's lister becomes the constant rather than a rare occurrence for her… if only you were here…

Well this letter is already getting long. That's it for now. Happy Birthday to You again. I would have sent you a gift but I don't know how to send it to you, since you know, I don't know where you are. If you could just give me a clue…

Yours,

Yukinoshita Yukino

* * *

March 7, 2015

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman-kun,

It is now almost three years ever since your disappearance. I will make this letter short and concise as much as possible. I still have to prepare myself. I wouldn't want to be late for this day's activity.

Today is a very special day. Not for me, but for someone else. Someone else who's special and dear to you. Someone who is very affectionate with you. Someone whom you have much affection for.

Today is Komachi's graduation day. And I, being her onee-san, couldn't possibly miss it. There is no valid excuse to miss such a special day for her. No matter how busy I am. I've vowed to become a proper onee-san to her afterall. A proper onee-san must always be present on her little sister's special moments.

If you were still here, I'm sure that you would have the widest grin on your face. That is until you realize that the day after, Komachi will become a full-fledged member of society. And then you will go again with one of your rants about society and the world in general. But that won't matter because Komachi has already planned her future for herself. See, she wants to become a doctor.

Now it should be general knowledge that an admission for a medical school is hard to come by. That's why she worked very hard for it. With our support (me, Yuigahama-san, Isshiki-san, your parents, and of course Taishi-kun), she was able to make it… barely. But that's good enough right? Now all she has to do is to do well in her studies once she finally starts her time in medical school.

Well I suppose that's it for now. I've already said that I'd have to make this short and concise right? Well it is indeed short. I'm just not sure if it is concise.

Yours,

Yukinoshita Yukino

* * *

January 5, 2016

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman-kun,

 _As the days of spring draw near, fields of snow start to give way to a beautiful glimpse of what's to come. Like a certain beauty who was once as cold as winter, I am now able to witness the warmth that she can give. And as with the coming of spring, the bud that was buried underneath all that snow now no longer hidden, I can already see a glimpse of the beautiful flower that she would bloom to be._ Do those words look familiar to you? I wonder who or what was your inspiration when you wrote that. Would you please tell me?

I've just celebrated my 21st birthday a couple of days ago. You could say that I can be legally recognized as an adult anywhere. I was able to celebrate it with both my biological family, and my family by choice (you do know which family I mean right?) along with Yui-san and Isshiki-san. Some more friends greeted me on that day, namely Hayama-kun, Totsuka-san, Yumiko-san, Hina-san, and Kawasaki-san. Yes, I've made friends. Aren't you happy that I've granted more of your requests? Can I have my prize please now? I'd really to catch even just a glimpse of you again.

Anyway, one of the gifts I've received is from Komachi, but it wasn't really made by her. She found it in your room when she decided to do a thorough clean-up. I've always known that you're grasp of literature is nothing to scoff at. I just didn't know that you've written them down.

I could really sense your presence in your writing. While the earlier ones were mostly philosophical rants about anything under the sun, the later ones were… beautiful. Very very beautiful. I could really feel the love you've poured into those writings. It's criminal to keep them from the world.

If you don't mind, I'll be keeping them. And I also plan on having them published, but not anytime soon. I still want to enjoy the privilege of being the only one to witness the literary prowess of Hikigaya Hachiman. Just a little bit longer. It's okay for me to be selfish right? Afterall, it was just my birthday a few days ago.

In just a few more months, I will be graduating in college (yes, I did it. I am able to get my degree in just three years!). After that, I will finally be able to truly contribute to society. But first, I plan on repaying my family by taking over the company for a number of years… let's say three? Or four? Or five? I also want to give Nee-san the opportunity to do the things she really wants to do. I've been enjoying the freedom that she hasn't experienced for the past six years already. Three, four, or five years of serving my family shouldn't be that much compared to the time that Nee-san has served them.

I know that if you're still here, you would probably stop me. I just know it. You'd probably convince me not do this. That this is just unnecessarily selfless of me. But please, believe me when I say this: I am doing this of my own will; I am not influenced by mother or nee-san to do this; I am doing this because I want to. So please, don't be mad at me now okay?

Besides, it's not like our family business is shady and all. I am sure that I will learn a lot by working there. So please, don't me be mad okay?

Yours,

Yukinoshita Yukino.

P.S. And oh, if you are worried about Komachi, don't be. She is doing well with her studies. I guess that she really wants to become a doctor for her to be working so hard. Good for her right?

* * *

April 16, 2017

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman-kun,

Today is a special day for two people who are precious and dear to you. And no, if you notice the date, it definitely does not include me. I am referring to the once foxy kohai of yours, and to the once airheaded (she can still be sometimes nowadays) classmate and clubmate of yours. Yes, I am referring to Iroha-san, and Yui. We're actually celebrating three occasions today.

You see, just a few days ago, Yui and Iroha-san graduated from college. I know that their dates of graduation is unusual, them being a month later than when they should be. Some… national happenings has caused the delay. But it doesn't matter now right? What should matter is that they are finally able to graduate.

Yui was able to able to graduate as cum laude. What? Are you seriously doubting me? You do know that I do not lie right? Good. So back to Yui. Yes, she did it. And she worked hard for it. With what she had achieved, it shouldn't be really hard for her to find employment.

Iroha-san was able to graduate this year too. She did the same feat as I did: get her degree in three years. And she received numerous scholarship offers for a master's degree. Seriously, that girl has never stopped to impress me ever since. At this point, she might even be smarter than I am (and that's pretty hard to admit considering how competitive I am; you shouldn't take that one lightly).

And lastly, it is Iroha-san's birthday today. We've decided to celebrate the three occasions simultaneously this day to, well, save some time… and money too. But mostly it was because of me. You know how busy it could get running a company.

If you're still here, would you be celebrating Iroha-san's birthday with us too? Or would it be the same as the last time you've celebrated her birthday: just the two of you alone. Now when I think about it, you've really spoiled Iroha-san a lot. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that you'll be doing the same if you have a daughter of your own…

It's too bad that you won't be able to fulfill your dream of becoming a househusband huh? And I was secretly rooting for you to accomplish it.

…

I shouldn't think more of these things. I still have a day ahead of me. Is it okay if I leave it right here?

Yours,

Yukinoshita Yukino

* * *

June 18, 2018

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman-kun,

I am supposed to celebrate this special day with someone precious and dear to me… and to you too. But, due to circumstances, I can't. We couldn't. You see, just a few days ago Yui's mother decided to go back living abroad. And she planned to take Yui with her... Yui knew it all along. I was hurt that she didn't tell me sooner, but I then remembered you. I remembered the letter you wrote to me. I remembered how hard it was for you to break the news to us. So, in consideration of that, I forgave her. And I was thankful that I did. Because of that, our relationship didn't have to be in peril.

We've manage to maintain our communication, though due to how busy I was, the times that we can just 'hang out' are few in-between. But I firmly believe that we are still as close as we can be. In fact, I plan on spending a month-long vacation to where she's staying at. As to when it would happen, well, I still don't know. But I'll definitely have it. I promise.

As for Iroha-san, she is now one of my most trusted employees, to the point where I even delegate her as temporary head whenever I am out of the country (for business purposes mind you). And that's not because I'm close to her. It is because of her competence. In fact, when I finally resign from taking care of our business, I am seriously thinking of letting Iroha-san take over. Yeah I know that she's not really family per se, but I treat her like one already. All that it needs for her to take over is convincing my mother.

…

Let's stop talking about work for now. Let's talk about you. The book that I've published under your name. The one that includes almost all of the writings that I've once said is criminal to not let the world see (I've saved some that I deemed to be FOR MY EYES ONLY). It was received well by the community. They even asked for interviews with you. But well, since you are literally unreachable, that didn't happen.

If you're wondering about the proceeds of the sales, don't worry. They are going to a good cause. Half of it is funding Komachi's Education. The other half is funding a research study on a cure for the condition that you have, and other similar ones to it. So really, you don't have to worry.

What else is there to talk about?

…

Well, I still haven't fully moved on from you. And truthfully, that is one reason why I've decided to take over the family business. I thought that if I busy myself with work, I would be able to forget about you. Or rather, my feelings for you. How wrong I was though. I still am really not over you.

But it's fine now. I accept now that you will never ever be back. I am really trying my best to move on now. Just give me more time.

Yours,

Yukinoshita Yukino

* * *

August 7, 2019

Dear Hachiman,

I've finally managed to finish the book that you've given me. All I could say is that I should've read it sooner. If only I've read it seven years ago, I would have been able to move on from you sooner. But alas, we cannot turn back the time. And as they say, everything happens for a reason right?

It has been more than a little over seven years since your disappearance. You should have been declared legally dead by now. But your… our family decided to postpone the funeral ceremonies up until after you birthday this year. The dates are really not that faraway.

Tomorrow, we will be celebrating your birthday where you are still 'alive'. We made sure to make it as special as we could. Yui is even coming here just to celebrate it. So I hope that you'd be able to appreciate it. Even though if you won't be there. Even though you won't be able to celebrate it with us. I still hope that you'd appreciate it. I baked the cake for you afterall.

…

What am I doing? Why am I still writing this to you? None of it ever reached you right? It's all pointless right? Just like the feelings that I still have for you. They have never reached you… or have they?

…

Maybe it's time to really move on now. It's been seven years. SEVEN YEARS! Don't you see how much you have meant to me Hachiman? Well, you probably did. That's why you did what you did. But really, it's time to move on now. Haven't you requested me to live on? To live life without you? To move forward? To move on from you? I think that it's about time to grant you that request. I may have been seven years late, but better late than never right?

And I am going to start by saying that this will be my last letter to you.

Yours,

Yukino.

 **The Spring Buried Underneath the Snow – End**

 **A/N: And for real this time.**

 **So let me take this one out first before I forget it. If you are someone who has read a certain Hyouka fanfiction, the writing style may look familiar to you. It is influenced by Hyouka fanfic written by SlowQuotesQuill titled "Finifugal". If you're someone who likes Hyouka, I really recommend that you read it.**

…

 **Ok. Now that's out of the way, let's talk about this story. The last chapter wasn't really where this should have ended. And it is not supposed to end like this either. I've actually written 2k more words of content after Hachiman's letter to Yukino, which narrates what happens 6 years after. Then Yukino coincidentally finds a lead to Hachiman's whereabouts, she meets him there, he doesn't recognize her blah blah blah Yukino stays for a week, they have sex, months later Yukino gives birth to a child with Hachiman as the father, then she raises the kid as a single parent. Then I've read it and said "FUCK! This isn't sad at all!' So I've deleted it and decided to just end it with Hachiman's letter.**

 **Then this idea came to me last night. That there still something I can do to make this fic sadder than it should be. And so this chapter was made. I hope that it brought even more tears from you! BWAHAHA**

 **Is it OOC? Well it should be. Too OOC? Now that I have argue with you.**

 **But seriously, this is really the end for this story. I'll go back to working on my other fic now. diceWW out.**

 **edit: polished the chapter. changed the error in dates (thanks guest for pointing it out)**


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